Humalainen

Yes, this moment had to arrive. It is something I should have done before. Talk about humalainen, drunkard, borrachos, burrachuzos. "Humalainen" is probably one of the first words that foreigners learn while living in Finland. It becomes a necessity to describe these essential components of the Helsinki urban-landscape. Mónica re-baptized these people as "humanoide", a Finnish-Spanish word that perfectly describes what they are: not yet something very different from human beings although you hardly recognise that individual as somebody belonging to your own specie.

The situation with alcohol in Finland is serious and also complex. The consumption rate is considerably high for reasons we all know. The situations of unemployment and complicated personal situations (unsuccessful marriages, violence...) are worsen here in Finland for the high rates of loneliness and social adaptation failure. Needless to say that the long and unbearable winter darkness has something to do as well. I suppose that Finns (as well as people from other Nothern countries, Russia, Ireland, Iceland, Canada...) found in alcohol the way to evade from their pathetic lives. In Spain, it works differently cause pathetic people usually evade from reality by using drugs and/or alcohol but their eventual relief implicitly involves doing harm to somebody else. Finnish humalinen are mostly harmless. In fact, it is generally known that drunk people are more sociable, talkative and even more polite than sober Finns. In Spain, drunk people are dangerous while in here they are funny. Sometimes, however, I am quite pissed off by these guys cause I think: if they were sober, they would ingore my presence, even if I needed something from them...but for some reason now I have to tolerate their stupid funny things just because they are drunk. There are different types of humalainen, and there are some specific humalainens (the majority, I should sadly admit) that are not funny at all. They are really sick people, they look like (or are) homeless, they are always very dirty, and smell like cat's pee. In Finland, it is VERY COMMON, to see those at any time of the day, every day in almost every place. The other day we met three in a row, crowling like zombies in search of blood, while we were fetching the bus for going to work (Tuesday, 8.30 a.m). In Spain drunks are socially despised (we usually think: shame of you!!!) and are not allowed to get into the bus, for instance. Here, it is, in a way, a normal situation, to see all kinds of drunk people (business guys wearing a suit or housewives) in the bus, walking the dog, or even going shopping!!!!

The alcohol situation in Finland affects your daily life even if you're not into that stuff. For instance, it is not possible to order beer, wine or any other alcoholic drink from the University restaurant. Why? Alcoholic drinks are seen as a source of fun and trouble and University is a place where you are suppose to be focusing on work issues. And that's my problem. In Spain people get drunk as well and we have humalainen, of course. But the situation is totally different: beer or wine is considered "food", and as such, is found and available in every single place for your pleasure (including McDonalds and the University restaurant, as examples). It is your responsability to behave properly and decide, as a mature person, which amount is apropiate for a lunch at work and which amount is good for getting drunk with friends during the weekend, if you want to do so. I understand that some Finns, at the presence of alcohol, might be attracted by a supernatural force and have no option but drinking until they loose their heads in that Uni restaurant, but what happens if I am used to drink one beer or one cup of wine during my lunch??? I am screwed. The fact that alcohol is banned at University tells me about the idea that Finns have of their self-control. You cannot decide about your preferences cause you are not able to do it wisely and the University decides on behalf of you. And it is sad, from my point of view. Actually, ethanol (that is used as a reactant in the lab for experiments) must be always locked and only very few people have direct access to the warehouse where high amounts are stored. In Spain, ethanol is, as any other chemical, not restricted at all. At first I did not understand why: nobody would mix pure ethanol with cola at work! I thought. And then one of my colleagues told me: "but somebody could take it from here and make business by selling ethanol to Humalaninen somewhere else"...ok, cool, I thought.

The alcohol is charged with high vat rates and it is, in Finns' opinion, a self-restriction method cause low prices for alcohol would lead to a self-destruction of the country (exact words from one of my colleagues). The Finn's attitude regarding this issue is variable and sometimes confusing. They generally admit the problem and tolerate drunk people very nicely. In contrast, they show no patient at all in other situations. Two Spanish students told me that in one occasion, they were requested by an old Finnish woman to speak in a low voice (or even keep quiet) while travelling in a bus: "This is Finland, we do not speak so loud, you are bothering people here!", the well-educated woman claimed. Believe me: if the Spanish students had been drunk, they would have been very politely tolerated, the woman would have watched to a different place and act as if they were not there. Most Finns only show clear intense emotions in front of strangers (a funny coversation followed by a big and cheery laughter, for instance) if they are drunk, are very young teenagers, or have some kind of mental disorder. Very rarely have I seen people laughing out loud in a bus, for instance, without fulfiling one or more of the previously mentioned requirements. That is why I am carefully analysed by Finns when I get into the bus laughing with Sonia for some reason. They check if I am drunk or crazy (it is clear that I am not a teenager any more...). Then, they realise that I belong to the fourth group of people who show emotions in public: I am foreigner. Some other Finns just ignore the problem and act as if drunks would not exist in Finland, as if Humalaninen were a urban legend. A Finn told me once: "is it true that you meet so many humalainens in Finland???" As if I had a special ability to discover drunk people amongst sober ones...and I said: "well, I suppose that I see as many as you...). But talking about this topic I have to say that something different should be done to try to rescue these sick people from their terrible situation and reintegrate them back to the society. Some Finns may have clear conscience by thinking that those professional drunk people (the real sick ones) recieve some kind of salary from the state. Those Finns support this social benefit for safety reasons. They are thinking about their own safety, naturally not the drunks' one. Cause drunk people with enough money for buying cheap beer don´t need to steal that money from somebody else. I still think that I would invest the money from their salaries in more adequate medical treatment and rehab programs...but that's only my opinion.

Finally, security guards in Finland suck. Let me tell you why. In general, those people are well known for having less brains than a shoe but regarding security staff and humalainen, I have seen pathetic situations that deserve a brief anecdote. Once I saw a security woman (one of those who has more male hormones than a whole ice-hockey team) kicking one humalainen out of a metro station. That day it was particularly cold outside and the drunk guy was trying to behave properly (trying no to fall over) just trying to go unnoticed. But he did not succeed. The bully woman approached him and caught his attention by saying something I did not understand. The drunk guy, still making the performance "I-am-a-normal-passenger", looked at the bull, distracted, like saying: are you talking to me? The bull showed no mercy and kicked the guy out. The sad soul started to walk, staggering, with no clear direction until he disappeared into the cold night. I had liked to approach the bull and shout at her that the humalainen was doing nothing but hiding from the freezing tempertures. But I was a coward. She could have slapped my face and send me to the same place where the Humalainen was: the cold street. Everyone there acted cowardly cause nobody said nothing. Probably, some of them would have sweared that no humalainen was there at all. I still have that special power to see what some others can't see...